When Triggers Bring the Past to the Surface

Something interesting happens when we become more self-aware.

What once felt like an overreaction, anxiety, frustration, sadness, or discomfort can start to reveal itself as something else entirely.

A trigger.

Not as something dramatic or broken.

Simply as information.

A signal that something inside us is asking to be noticed.

Recently, I found myself feeling emotionally activated by a health-related situation that wasn’t even my own.

Years ago, I probably would have distracted myself, kept busy, pushed through, or told myself I was being silly.

But awareness changes what’s possible.

So instead of moving away from the discomfort, I leaned into it.

And what surfaced surprised me.

My dad passed away when I was 16.

I was also six months pregnant.

He was just 51 years old.

He had lung cancer that had spread to his brain.

Over nine months, I watched the strongest version of my dad slowly change. The treatments, the steroids, the physical decline, the seizures.

Feeling the effects it was having to my family too.

These are things no 16-year-old is emotionally equipped to fully understand.

And then he passed away.

Life didn’t pause.

There were funeral arrangements to make. I had three younger sisters. I was carrying a baby. Life simply carried on, as it often does.

But here’s the thing about survival mode.

It gets the job done.

It helps us function.

It keeps us moving.

But survival mode doesn’t always create space for processing.

And sometimes, decades later, life gently (or not so gently) brings us back to something unfinished.

I’m now 51.

The same age my dad was when he died.

That fact alone carries something.

But what really surfaced for me was this:

That 16-year-old version of me had witnessed something frightening, confusing, and completely outside of her control.

And if I’m honest, part of me had still been carrying that emotional weight.

So this time, instead of ignoring it, I sat with her.

Not literally, of course.

But emotionally.

Compassionately.

With the perspective, awareness, and understanding I have now.

I helped her see what she couldn’t possibly have known then.

That none of it was hers to control.

And perhaps the most profound part?

At 51, that truth is still the same.

There are still things outside of my control.

People I care about will face struggles.

Health challenges happen.

Life unfolds in ways we don’t choose.

And the deep desire to help, fix, protect, or carry things for others can feel incredibly strong.

But carrying what isn’t ours doesn’t help.

It just makes us heavy.

Acceptance can feel uncomfortable because it can be mistaken for giving up.

But acceptance isn’t giving up.

Acceptance is recognising reality, releasing false responsibility, and choosing where your energy actually belongs.

Sometimes triggers aren’t setbacks.

Sometimes they’re invitations.

An opportunity to notice what still needs compassion.

To gently meet the younger version of yourself with the understanding, compassion, and perspective you have now.

To release something you were never meant to carry forever.

And perhaps to remind yourself:

Not everything is yours to fix.

But looking after yourself?

That part absolutely is.

There was another layer to this too.

As I reflected more, I realised the heaviness wasn’t only connected to past experiences.

Part of it came from something much more present.

My values.

Over the years, they’ve evolved.

I now deeply value health, movement, emotional wellbeing, and looking after myself, even when temptation, old habits, or life circumstances make that difficult.

And perhaps that’s the interesting thing about values.

We don’t always sit down and consciously define them.

Sometimes we only truly recognise them when they feel compromised.

When something feels off.

When we feel resistance, frustration, heaviness, or internal tension.

Because often, that discomfort is information.

A signal that something important to us is being challenged.

It made me wonder…

What feels heavy in your life right now, and could that heaviness be pointing you towards a value you haven’t fully acknowledged yet?

✨ Awareness changes what’s possible, and it always starts with you.

Sue 💛